The crying, intensely hasn’t stopped. I went down the Google rabbit hole and “it’s normal.” Something about hormones being out of control and allowing for the emotions to come, be, and leave.
It all sounds good to me. I have spent years learning how to notice my emotions, honor them, ask them what they aim to teach me, act through them not because of them and move on.
But these preggo emotions are like a rabid animal. Like those drugged out people on TV who eat faces and can take on 4 and 5 cops at once. These emotions can’t be reasoned with. They just swoop in and take over and I don’t have the time to pause and feel or ask cause by the time I even notice they’re here my mascara is already down my cheeks and I can taste snot on my lips.
Reasons I cried today:
- The smell of Lia’s food makes me gag. I can’t serve her food anymore. She probably thinks I stopped loving her
- No reason. Just crying. Hard.
- I don’t know who I am anymore. Why am I so tired?? I’m useless, I can’t focus on anything. Who am I?
- I put the microwave lid on the hot stove surface and it melted. I ruined the stove.
- I tried dialing a phone number on my calculator instead of the keypad. WTF is happening to me?!